Torry 3.0

Funny how there are some things that never stay the same and there are some things that never change. Absolutely nothing in my life right now in my day to day routine looks like it did one year ago, or even 3 months ago. But here I am once again, after a long time with no updates, motivated to restart my blog.
I?m 30 now. Just one more thing on the list of new things in my life: new job, new city (well, new again), new apartment, new schedule, new responsibilities, and new decade of life. I?ve always loved change and adventure, which is a good thing given my history. I?m not sure if God gave me the personality for the circumstances, or the circumstances for the personality, but either way, it works.
For those of you who I haven?t blabbed your ears off about my decision to move to Birmingham: The lease was up on my apartment in June. The YoungLife guys that I had for four years graduated. So I decided that it was time to look for a new job, making my finances a higher priority than they had been. Felt very strongly that God was calling me to a new season, leaving YL after being a leader for 10 years. Starting applying for jobs all over at the absolute worst time to be looking for a job. The Hebbelers were so generous and allowed me to live in their bonus room while I waited for some direction as to my next step. Staying there was such a blessing. Finally, after a lot of rejections and dead ends in the job search, the opportunity arose to take over the tutoring business that I had worked for in college in Birmingham. Not sure why God chooses to work this way in my life, but He always waits until the last minute to work everything out. I literally decided to take the job at noon on a Monday, was in my car a couple of hours later, drove to Birmingham, and started work Tuesday morning. I went back a few weeks later, once I had an apartment, to get my furniture.
I absolutely love my new job. I?m the new owner/director of MasterMinds Learning Center. It really combines so much that I love to do. I hit the ground running and have been going nonstop since moving. Sure I miss Knoxville and the amazing community and friends I had there. I really can?t believe that it?s fall and I don?t have YL club to go to every Thursday. As hard as it was to walk away from YL, God affirmed my decision so clearly as the semester drew to a close. The last four years walking alongside those young men through their four years of high school was an amazing experience. It was both one of the hardest and one of the most fun things of my life. The team of believers that I had the privilege of serving with was an indescribable blessing. As I prepared to speak at the last club of the year, Senior club, God reminded me of all I had seen him do throughout my ministry. I had a front row seat to watch him change young men?s lives, including my own.
So that?s the latest step in what has brought me here, to this point, to this day. A friend of mine joked on the week of my birthday, that I was beginning ?Torry 3.0,? but I really do feel that I?m entering a third major season of my life. It?s Torry 2.0 with some (not all) of the bugs worked out. High school Torry was a continuation of childhood, in all of my ridiculousness. College, grad school, and the Knoxville years were all very similar: flexible schedules, YoungLife always a major priority, and my health playing major roles in how my life was structured. And now it?s round three. I?ve been so busy since moving that I haven?t been able to fully process it, I?m filled with excitement to see what?s in store.

resume

As many of you may know, I am in the middle of a job search. Looking in Knoxville first, and have scored a couple of interviews here, but am willing to relocate. Here is a link to my current resume. Any suggestions or connections that any of you readers may have would be greatly appreciated.

2009 Resume

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Resumes & CVs culture History

amazing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY&feature=related

I saw this last night. Unreal. Just love everything about this. As my friend Holly put it. "This lady is a walking fairytale." and a great "picture of the Gospel." Not really sure why this moved me as much as it did. Just thought I'd share.

GlaxoSmithKlein

Just found out today that GlaxoSmithKlein is refusing to give me access to their new medication. The same medication that they are using my face and story to promote. They will only give me the medicine if my condition becomes "life threatening." Something else will work out. The doctor is appealing their decision. The current maintenance medication I am on is working fine, just requires large doses of steroids at the same time. Hopefully sometime in the not so distant future, I will be able to come off of all medication. Meanwhile, I want to cuss out the idiots at GSK.

medication

Just a quick note to ask everyone who is reading this to say a quick prayer. As most of you know, for the past two years now, my disease has completely responded to the chemo. And I only had to take a tiny maintenance dose, a small fraction of what I used to have to take. But it has some major skin side effects which are very uncomfortable. To cut down on this, I've had to stay on large doses of steroids.
So, on my last trip to Houston a few weeks ago, they told me about a new medication that they think will work much better and has no skin side effects. The problem is that the drug is FDA approved, but not on the market yet. For this reason, the only way I can get the medication is to convince GlaxoSmithKlein (the drug company) to give it to me. The crazy thing is that 3 years ago, when this drug was being developed, the drug company contacted me and asked me to be in an educational video about my disease. This disease is very rare and often misdiagnosed (it was for me for 5 years). And even with this disease there are three kinds. One is an allergy, one is a leukemia, and the third is somewhere between those. And I had the rarest of the three, the luekemia form.
The doctors are pleading my case with the drug company and they are supposed to return a decision to me this week. So, please pray that they would be motivated to give me the medication . Thank you all so much.

P.S. I find the video hilarious, because they made me be so serious. At the time they filmed it, the doctors weren't giving me much hope. God is amazing, in case you don't know that. So if you want to watch it yourself, someone posted it on YouTube. I'm not sure of the exact address, and youtube is blocked on the server at work, but if you google "YouTube Hypereosinophilic Syndrome" it is the video that comes up. I hope you find as much humor in the video as I do.

25 Things

I did this for facebook and spent way too much time on it...so thought I would post it here as well.

25 things random things about myself.

1. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people talk really loud in public, and, yes, I realize the irony in this statement.
2. When I like something, I pretty much obsess over it. Examples: famous people, clothes, American Idol, reality television in general, concerts, etc.
3. Speaking of, there�s not an amount of money in the world that you could offer me that I would take over winning American Idol.
4. I really don�t like talking on the phone at all.
5. I seriously considered, instead of facts, writing my top 25 favorite stories to tell.
6. List of people I would marry tomorrow: Rachel McAdams, Kelly Clarkson, Joey Potter (not Katie Holmes)
7. I�m selectively very passionate, but find motivation almost impossible for things I don�t care about.
8. I have a great memory about certain things (mostly useless) and very forgetful about other things.
9. I am either busy from the moment I wake up til going to sleep, or I don�t get a single thing done the whole day. (I�m seeing a pattern here)
10. I am really bad at keeping in touch with out of town friends and I hate that.
11. I think no matter how old I get, teenagers will always be part of my ministry.
12. I feel I�m on the edge of something huge, and I have no idea what that is.
13. My shaving mirror in my shower distorts the image like a fun-house mirror. I waste at least 2 minutes every day making faces in that mirror.
14. I think I�m one of the funniest people I know. Not in a conceited way, I just crack myself up way more than I make other people laugh.
15. Careers I would have if income and education weren�t factors or if I could redo college: actor, graphic designer, meteorologist, detective, tv host.
16. Things that are funny every time: Falling, Farting, America�s Funniest Home Videos, Uranus jokes, �That�s what she said,� prank calling, awkwardness.
17. I will live in New York City for at least a year of my life.
18. For some reason, I feel really awkward listening to voicemails. So I don�t listen to 90% of them�just call the person back.
19. I think writers for every major sitcom are spying on my life and watching the craziness that happens to me every day.
20. I saw Crossroads, starring Britney Spears, in the theater (long story) and got in an argument with a mother who was sitting behind me. She didn�t like me making fun of the movie.
21. I�ve been a YoungLife leader for 10 years, longer than I�ve done anything else in my life.
22. I still think of college football players as older than me, even though I�m 10 years older than some of them.
23. I love watching almost any movie, even really bad ones, but it has to be amazing for me to want to see it more than once, which is why I have such a small DVD collection.
24. It is very difficult to embarrass me, but I get really embarrassed for other people, even on TV or in a movie (Example: the entire movie Meet the Parents, the first time I saw it, or when Baby chickens out of the lift in Dirty Dancing.)
25. Since I share almost everything, it�s really hard for me to come up with 25 things that not everyone knows about me.

anyone need to hire an artistic, mathematic, teaching extrovert?

Right in the middle of a job search...One of the weaknesses of my personality is that I can picture myself doing a ton of things (Maybe I just think too highly of myself.). So it's really tough for me to narrow down my goals and I'm finding my job search to be pretty overwhelming. I'm interviewing for a tutoring center Director position in New York and DC. They've asked me to come in town for my final in-person interview, but I must pay for my transportation. So I'm trying to decide if I really want this job before forking out airfare. Feeling out other opportunities in Knoxville, Birmingham, Atlanta, and Nasvhille. Would really appreciate all of your prayers. I need some serious direction right now. God has made very clear to me that the last few years, since my health has been significantly less and less an issue, that His will for me has been with my YoungLife guys. I have felt such a sense of purpose and have been privileged to be allowed to see the fruit of His work in several kids' lives. But now, as they graduate, I feel very strongly that He has another season around the corner for me. He has made clear that I need to make my finances a larger priority to tackle the debt I accrued while being sick. While I know that for the last few years, I was supposed to choose employment that allowed me to be flexible and available for such a time consuming volunteer ministry, God has something new for me. I am actually really excited about the opportunity and the change. I'm not trying to leave Knoxville. I am looking for jobs here too. I just need to be open to move wherever the opportunity arises, with the job market the way it is right now. I am really excited about the possibilities ahead and can't wait to see what He has in store.

3 car pile up

This crazy story happened to me this summer when I wasn't updating this blog regularly, so I thought I would repost it here. I posted it the first time on facebook.

So. Here's what happened. Monday I was meeting a couple of guys at the YoungLife house. I got there about 30 minutes early. My cell phone was out of battery, so I left my car running to charge it. If you are familiar with the YoungLife house, I was in the first parking spot by the back door. I went inside. 20 minutes later, I went back outside to get my phone and to turn off my car. I opened the door and while standing in the doorway, reached in and turned off the ignition. I pulled out the keys and turned to walk away. But as soon as I pulled out the keys, the car popped out of park and started rolling. My immediate reaction was to try to jump in the car to stop it. But the car was already rolling too fast for that to be possible. I then tried to abandon ship. The problem was that the car was rolling backward and I was trapped by the door. I tried to outrun the car so that I could run around the door, but I couldn't. I kept getting slammed in the back by the open door. There were two cars parked at the bottom of the hill about 20 or so feet apart. The only other cars in the whole lot. The car curved out and back around and brushed my passenger side against the front bumper of a minivan, ripping off half the bumper. This slowed down the car enough for me to give it one last effort to get away. But no, after losing contact with the minivan, it sped back up and the door hit me very hard and knocked me forehead first to the ground underneath my moving car. The driver side front tire ran over my left foot and then the car slammed into a camry before coming to a complete stop. The way the three cars were alligned it really was like hitting a 7-10 split in bowling, only with cars. The story was so outrageous that the cops kept questioning me, because they didn't believe that it could have happened that way. I came out from under the car as the two women who had just had their parked cars crashed came out from the day care center where they worked. I am covered in blood and they freak out.

Had an MRI Thursday and I have a class 3 sprain of my left ankle, fractured tibia, and torn meniscus. My doctor is out of town until next week, so I don't know if and when I will need surgery, but my physical therapist said that he would be really surprised if I didn't require surgery. I'm wearing a boot and am on crutches and popping pain pills like candy.

Who else do you know that could get run over by their own car in a parking lot alone and turn it into a 3 car pile up?

more career indecision

So...as anyone who knows who has talked to me in the last three years of my life, I have no idea what I want to be "when I grow up." I never thought growing up that I would think of 29 years old as not grown up. But I have considered writing as a career and have looked for opportunities to taste this career choice. I got in touch with Knoxville Magazine editor Michael Tribble and spoke with him about my interest and he brought me on board to write. My first assignment was to highlight the North Cedar Bluff area of Knoxville. The issue containing my first article hit stands today. While it's not very exciting material, you may want to have a look:

http://www.knoxmag.com/issues/current/departments/block_party/index.php4

My next article was due today and will appear in the November issue. We'll see where this career option leads.

happy

YoungLife is underway. We have 4 AWESOME new people on our team. Their energy and excitement is so contagious. This fall is going to be so exciting. I have limited my tutoring to 3 days a week, which is the exact amount to let me do the quality of work I want to and to not get burned out. I am also interning on Mondays and Fridays and Laws Interiors and Design and I absolutely love it. I expected to enjoy this because it is so different than anything I've done and I was ready to taste something new, but I throroughly enjoy it. The day flies by when I'm there. My health is not giving me any issues either. Life is great.

There are a couple of challenges going on with my ministry, but my other cirumstances being so wonderful are really helping me tremendously with these challenges. Funny how God does that.

skit video

This is my favorite skit we've ever done at YoungLife.

new school year

I just started what will most likely be my last year as a YoungLife leader. I am praying for direction, but it seems very likely that as these guys that I have walked with for four years graduate in May, I will move on as well. I have been a leader for 9 years now, so this is quite a step for me. I've been thinking about it a ton and have very mixed emotions about it. There have been times when God has blessed me by allowing me to see some of the fruits of my efforts in this ministry and there have been times where it seems like a lot of work for nothing. Those times require great faith in trusting that seeds are being planted and that God is indeed working in the hearts of those who don't know Him.

So I've been pretty discouraged lately and my heart has been burdened for the kids I know who have just missed the truth completely. Some of them are aware of the emptiness in their hearts and some of them have no clue. They are going on living seemingly happy lives at times, totally unaware of the fact that they are incomplete. There are so few Senior guys in this group that get it. The vast majority don't understand at all that they are making horrible decisions that are going to affect them for many years to come. They think that what they are doing is insignificant and I just want to get in their face in order to protect them. I've got one final year with them, but I just feel like I've done and said all I can do and say. I'm praying often that God will open their eyes to the reality of the lives they are living.

hiatus

So...haven't posted since January. Seems to be a pattern. I get really good at updating this thing for a few months and then I dont for several months. I then apologize for it and then try again. I don't think anyone is reading at this point, so this is mostly for me and anyone who happens to google "YoungLife" or "Leukemia." No promises, but I'm gonna attempt this again.

what do you do?

So...I decided to not teach at UT this semester. Fully selfemployed.
So now, when people ask, as they do way too often, "What do you do?,"
I no longer have the short answer "Teach math at UT." But who am I
kidding? When have I ever been satisfied with a short answer? I have
really come to grips with the fact that I will never ever use my
masters degree, especially the material I slaved over to get it.

But my decision was quick and painless. I had the first thoughts of
quitting on the Saturday before classes started while sitting for
hours with a friend in the emergency room. Got to actually be the
friend carrying someone to the ER for once. I feel I owe that favor
to all of mankind at this point. So...if you're ever sick or have an
emergency, call me up. I have a debt to pay. But sitting there with
time to think, I thought, What if I didn't teach this semester? And
before I knew it, less than 24 hours later, I had an email in to my
boss and I was not teaching. That's how I do it. One gift God has
given me is that if He nudges me in a direction, I really am ok just
doing it. No use in worrying forever and coming to the same
conclusion.

I had to hit the ground running after the break. Webb, where I do all
of my tutoring, does their semester exams after the break. So, I
entered in the busiest time of the year. Tutored 50 students in one
week, which translates to over 70 hours of actual work. But this
week, I settle into a routine. Got several people interested in
working with me and now looking for students for them.

new year

I look back over all the entries I've written in here and it's funny
how many of them begin "Sorry it's been so long since my last
post/update." And I very well could start this one that way. If you
have talked to me at all in the last month you know how jam packed my
life has been. It has been so great the last couple of days to have
nothing on the agenda, and I really look forward to my next week off.
I really hope to manage my time better in the upcoming year...one of
my many new year's resolutions. So I'm gonna stop apologizing. If
you don't hear from me for a while on here, call me up or wait a
couple of weeks until I catch back up. I hope to write my "end of the
year" blog in the next couple of days. I get very introspective and
analytical at this time of the year.

small victories

I can't share details...but I have had some major, but small,
victories in my ministry lately. Is there anything that can bring you
more joy than seeing God working and knowing that you were a part of
that?

most wonderful time of the year

I'm not talking about Christmas. I have decided that the YL weekend camp trip that we take every fall is most likely my favorite weekend of the year. We went to Sharp Top Cove last weekend and the trip was absolutely amazing. Kids had a great time and the gospel was presented so clearly. I love that over 500 kids got to experience that much fun and that much truth at the same time. I love what God did in my own heart while I was there.

"caution: I took an ambien one our ago...I cannot and will not be held responsible for my words"

I remember when I got glasses for the first time.  I had no clue that I couldn't see well or couldn't see at all for that matter.  Went through my dahy thinking it was normal.  but I was having migrains and they thought eye strain might be the cause.  So at age 13 I put on the glasses. 

 

Leaves.  The first thing I saw was leaves.  I looked out through a tiny windown near the ceiling and could see a tree outside and the tree had individual leaves.  I formerly saw trees as fluffy green afros...not individual leaves that made up a tree.  I had no clue what I was missing.  I spent the greater part of the next month pulling my glasses down and looking over the top of them and quickly replacing them amazed at the difference.

 

Well.  Sitting in a hospital bed with tons of energy but lungs that won't let you use them, I put my glasses on today.  Not my real ones, but figurative ones.  I see some things so clearly now.  Not perfectly, but in comparison to my previous vision, I see a leaf.  one leaf...several one leaf's, not a blurr of leaves.  I see some clear parts of God's will, I see meaningful relationships, I see love, and hope, and brokenness around me, I see somone who needs to learn to love himself and someone who needs to think more highly of herself.  I see kids on the edge of something amazing and somehting dangerous and stupid and it's up to them what it becomes.  I see kids searching and kids trying so hard to hide that they are searching.  I see masks.  I see hurt with glimpses of hope and happiness. 

 

I see a place for me.  A nitch.  To be used as I was created.  Does it get any better than that?  If you think of somehting let me know, would love to experience that too.

a "God" thing

This is one of those crazy things in my life that my mom calls "a God thing"

Please read


http://mooseintrees.blogspot.com

and

http://www.christianitytoday.com/tc/2007/002/5.41.html

Makes me laugh.

boring?

So my life has been incredibly busy and surprisingly uneventful for the last couple of weeks.  Really don't know what to do with that except rest.  That makes me laugh that I am resting in busyness.   Really excited about this semester of YoungLife.  Think some great things are in store.

So blogger has this thing where it shows me the cities of people who access my blog.  Doesn't give me names or anything, just cities.  I am overwhelmed at how many people are reading this.  I would almost think it was lying except that it shows a lot of hits from Knoxville and Gadsden.  Thanks for listening to me ramble.

High School Torry

I've been thinking a lot lately about the person I was in high school.  Not sure why.  Maybe it's because YoungLife is gearing back up and I'm about to be immersed in high school culture again.  I spent a lot of time with kids this summer but it was in smaller groups. 

But I was so different then.  Seems like a lifetime ago.  So different that I refer to that person as "High School Torry"...most of the time in the third person, not in the cocky way, but in a separate way.  I had convinced myself that I was the coolest thing ever and constantly tried to convince others of this fact.

I really regret that the last time I spent large amounts of time with my family, I was that person.  Why didn't God get in my face and shake me?  The last time my sisters got to see me every day, I was selfish, rude, arrogant, calloused, guarded, and hurt.  I hope they see me now.  I hope they laugh too at the difference in myself and High School Torry. 

I grew up, but more than just maturity happened.  The Holy Spirit changed me, and most of that happened pre- being sick.  He kept the good and destroyed so much that was bad.  I haven't arrived.  Funny that after all the improvement, I think less of myself now than then.  And, believe me, that is a good thing. 

I wonder if in ten years I'll be laughing at how ridiculous Twenties Torry was?

oops...I did it again

Well...it's another start of the semester and I have overbooked myself again.  I have several students right now for the ACT and that is in  a couple of weeks, so I should slow down some.  YoungLife starts up this week and I'm crazy excited about that.  I lost touch with a bunch of the guys over the summer with them being out of town so much, so I can't wait to get that up and going again.  I'm learning to set boundaries and am minimizing my after school tutoring.  You'd think I would have learned to manage my time by now, but I'm horrible at it.

So...I've decided to start this up again.  I'm thinking about writing as a possible future career and I have been told I need to just practice.  So this is my venue.  Doubt that I have any readers that are still checking this, since I neglected it so long.  I hope to update this fairly regularly with more than just an update of the latest events.  But, to get that out of the way, school is starting up...I'm tutoring at Webb and teaching at UT.  YoungLife leader retreat this weekend that I am crazy excited about.  More to come.

long awaited update

Life is great.  Busy and great.  Christmas was good.  Crazy busy with the tutoring business.  Interviewing new tutors this week.  Hopefully hiring some more help.  Teaching part time at UT this semester as well.  Had an awesome time helping out Weston at Windy Gap this past weekend with freshmen.  Baton Rouge this weekend for Dye's wedding.  Then I get to stay in town for a while...exciting.

updates

It's funny that the busier I become, the less I feel that I have to update you all with.  I have been tutoring like crazy and Younglife takes up the remaining time I have.  I wouldn't have it any other way. 

The Kohlbusches bought me a ticket to Andrew Peterson's Christmas concert at the Ryman in Nashville and I went with them.  Stood just a couple a feet away from Steven Curtis Chapman.  The concert was unreal.  I have experienced very few things like that...such an awesome time.  The gospel was presented so clearly in beautiful music. 

Had a very disappointing event last weekend with two of my high school guys.  I won't go into specifics.  I haven't had a chance to talk individually with the kids.  Please pray for those conversations.  It was just such a betrayal of my trust by guys that I have spent so much time building relationships with.  It just reminded me of how self centered and near sighted the mind of a teenage boy is.  They feel so grown up but then they do the stupidest things. 

I'm looking forward to the chance to take a deep breath once schools are out for Christmas. 

And, yes, Megan, I am aware that I ended two sentences with prepositions.  Sorry.  I do math.

hmmmmm

So a coulple of weeks ago I was meeting with a mother about beginning to tutor her son.  He is very intelligent, but his home life is very chaotic and he is failing.  In the middle of me telling her what I could offer her son, she out of nowhere asks me, "What do you want your life to be about?"  I managed to come up with some answer that made her smile, but I just kept thinking about that question.  I have been thinking about lots of possible career choices and I've never put into those words.  I've realized that I have such a heart for teenagers for a reason.  My tutoring is way more than helping them to make an A in Geometry.  And the question is so much more important than what I decide to do for a paycheck.

It's beginning to look a lot like....

They've put the Christmas decorations up downtown.  Made me smile.  I've been listening to Christmas music since Halloween.  Love this time of year.  Really excited to get to go home for the first time in forever for Thanksgiving and eat a ton.  Speaking of eating a ton, can't wait to finally get off steroids, whenever that happens...I weigh 202 lbs right now...and that is unacceptable.

windy gap

So...I'm home.  Refreshed and exhausted.  Such a great time with kids this weekend.  The gospel was proclaimed so clearly.  I am too tired to write much...maybe later.  Monday morning is quickly approaching.

new things

Well I have a new car and what feels like a new job.  Twenty tutoring hours this week at almost twenty different locations.  I am looking intently for some tutors to help me out...let me know if you know of any, knoxville folk.  I don't so much mind the work, although that much teaching is draining, I just want to be available and flexible to my Younglife kids and the students that I have tutored for several years.

I gearing up for Windy Gap next weekend.  Trying to bank up the sleep I will lose.  I also have to go to Houston this weekend for a check up.  My next couple of weeks are going to be crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Please pray for the following sophomore guys that will be in my cabin at camp.  Pray that it would be a great time for them and that their hearts would be receptive to the gospel that is going to be so clearly displayed.  Pray for travel, meaningful conversations, the crazy chaos, and all the other things that surround this weekend.

Camp Arnett
Joseph Ayres
Miles Cullom
Will Farmer
Jarrod Grayson
Josh Holdenried
Ben King
Grant Milner
Josh Mosley
Drew Packard
Sean Panella
Alex Stratton
Blake Sturm
Carter Tisdale
Baylor Wilson

Picture clarification

To clarify the picture posted below...it is after YoungLife's Ice Cream Olympics. I am covered in ice cream and chocolate syrup, not blood as it may look.

Ooh-oh I'm still alive

For those faithful readers that I had, I deeply apologize for the lack of posts for the last two months. There are a couple of reason, other than my laziness. One was I was being interviewed for a reality show, that has now cut me, and they were reading my blog. So I didn't want to hurt my chances by talking about the process. I did get an email from another casting director this week asking me to make a video for another show. But the lack of posts for the last two months does not equal a lack of events in my life.
My health is great. The only issue I'm having is my skin starts to go crazy every time I try to completely come off of steroids. I saw a dermatologist here and he had no clue what was going on (reminded me of every doctor I visited after high school until two years ago). So other than that small issue, eosinophils are down and my immune system is back up and running, which I highly recommend.
I did interview for a reality show called the Island Project that will be on Fox. I made it through several interviews and then was told I wasn't "right for the show."
I got fired from my job at Lawler-Wood, which was quite a shock, to say the least. The job was a strictly office job, with no personal interaction, and all of you know how well I would be suited for that. I didn't enjoy it, but wasn't expecting to lose it. But, in typical fashion, the new door that opened was much better. I am now working full time for the tutoring business that Andy and I started two years ago. This is what I really wanted to do in the first place when we opened it, but circumstances such as my health did not allow. I just brought two other tutors on board and business is picking up. It's great to be doing something both that I'm good at and that I enjoy
I had a car accident last week...hydroplaned into the back of a truck...nothing I could do. I find out in the next couple of days if they are going to fix it or total it.
I turned 27 a few weeks ago. I went from being really confused about how I thought 27 should look and how different my life was from that and then embraced it. Had a high school kid tell me--and he did mean it as a compliment---that I was really cool for an old guy....Awesome.
And the biggest part of my life lately has been Younglife. I actually just got back a few mins ago from taking all my guys home after hanging out with them. I could just go on and on about it. It has been a really rewarding time as I have seen both my and my team's ministries taking off. I won't go into too many details, because I don't want to share details about individual guys, but some great things are happening. We were crazy excited to have around 80 kids at our first club, only to see it grow every week. Our best guess at last week was 120 kids (In a private (non-Christian) school that has just over 400 students). My campaigner (Younglife's word for Bible study, for the outsiders)group is meeting every week and I'm attempting to give them some words with some substance, which are followed by weekly matches of horse-ball on the pool table. 17 of my guys are signed up for weekend camp (I'm praying that they all get to go...tons of conflicts are coming up). I know that we shouldn't focus too much on numbers, but I'm a math guy, give me a break.

So I think that is the best summary I can come up with for the last two months of my life. I'm sure there are lots of things I'm leaving out, you all know I have a very selectively great memory. Hope to keep this updated once a week from this point on.

spring

This week has been miserably hot. My poor Webb guys have had 3-a-days this week. I cannot imagine. But my life is actually lagging behind the calendar. My heart has just entered springtime. John Wood (Actually, Steve Chesney quoting John Wood) once said that he loved winter because of the quiddity of it. Thankfully, he explained the meaning of "quiddity." It means the essence or the very nature of something. It reminds me of the scientic definition of "molecule." A molecule is the smallest piece of any substance that is still considered to be that substance. (Dr. Ponder would be proud that I remember that.)

I've tried to put the experience of my sickness into words many times. The best I can come up with is that it was winter for my soul. This isn't a negative thing, just a new and different season for me. The excess, the superfluous, the unecessary, was stripped away and what remained was the quiddity, the molecule of Torry Patton. And when I looked at what remained, it was good. Transformed, redeemed, pure, and good. I found myself reacting in situations completely the opposite of how I had predicted. I met sickness with humor, and God placed in me a overwhelming peace. He took a boy who whined when the temperature was a single degree too hot or too cold and empowered me to be a man who faced leukemia with few complaints. That's beautiful.

One of the best things about winter is the anticipation of spring. Well, my spring is here. Granted, it's August, but my soul is filled with new life and this is only partly due to my newfound health. I didnt' enjoy this battle, to say the least, but I love what it did to me.

I can't and won't begin to understand all of the reasons behind my struggle. Why couldn't God have taught me this in a great sermon or insightful book? But maybe I am to speak that sermon or write that book for others. My disease touched so many others in a positive way, and God has the grace to remind me of that often. We so often pray that God would use us in a mighty way...

life is good

Sorry for the gap in posts. Now that my health is amazing, I forget to update this thing. Six Flags was awesome. SO much fun. Been just working since. Getting really pumped about Younglife this fall. I think big things are in store.

SUMMER!!!

So this is my first summer to have an actual job. And I didn't remove anything from my schedule that I usually do when I have the whole summer off. So I have become crazy busy.

Went to NYC with my sisters a couple of weeks ago. Great time with them. Saw a broadway show...got on camera a couple of times during the Today show....saw 4th of July firewords with Manhattan as the backdrop. Great time, minus the 14 hour drive back.

Tonight I am taking 5 of my YoungLife highschoolers to Atlanta. We are going to Six Flags tomorrow...one of my favorite places on the earth. Me and 5 fifteen year olds...should be an adventure.

new york

So. Life is smoothing out into somewhat of a routine in my new place. Starting to feel like home. Never thought that I would look forward to or enjoy living alone, but it's amazing. I highly recommend it.

My sisters and I are going to New York for the 4th and I am so pumped about the trip for many reasons. The three of us don't get to do that much together, so I am really looking forward (even to the 10 hour drive).

Caught a virus that I couldn't get rid of last week. My immune system is still shot from the chemo. Had a short stay in the hospital, but I never really felt that bad. THings are great now. Other than this little blip, life is running smoothly.

birfday

My life has been pretty uneventful the last couple of weeks. And that, my friend, is a good thing. Finished unpacking and organizing my apartment yesterday. I absolutely love it. But Tuesday night, something hilarious happened. As some of you know, I have an inexplicable appeal to black woman. I don't know why, but they are always a big fan.

Tuesday night I took several of my freshmen guys to see XMen 3. After taking them home, I stopped by a gas station on the way to my apartment. Once inside, like everyone else in the store, I could hear a very loud conversation that a woman was having on her phone. I went to the back and loaded my arms up with 6 32oz bottles of Gatorade. I then went and stood in line behind the girl on the phone. Now she was dressed in very little and I couldn't help but hear her conversation that she was broadcasting "...It's my birfday. Been the worst day of my life...He did not even call me...Ain't nothin going right." She then tried to buy some type of cigar thing that was $0.65 and use her debit card. The cashier informed her that you can only use a card on purchases over a dollar. "I don't know what to do...It's my birfday...they won't even take my card" The cashier says, "Why don't you just buy two?" "Oh girl, you right, you so right." She pays and turn to leave and sees me holding my gatorade. "Well hey, handsome." I don't know what to do. I might have smiled a nervous smile. She then says into the phone "Oh girl, I think I just met my birfday present." I freeze up. I pay and go to leave. She opens the door for me and walks me to my car. "I don't think I'd be a very good present. Hope you have a great night." and I sped away.

"We never talk of our lacking relationships"

Is it sad that I took 5 high school freshmen to dinner tonight and I was at least two inches shorter than all of them?

But seriously, tonight was a fun time with those guys and it reminded me of why I have such a heart for high school kids. I can't imagine that life ever gets much worse for any guy than it is at age 15. First dates, first kisses, driving permits, acne, etc. Not many things that anyone looks back upon dearly. Everything is new and awkard. What is comfortable isn't cool anymore and what is cool changes almost constantly. Insecurity rules every thought, word, and action. Insecurity and girls that is. Problems that face these kids get minimized by time and maturity...but at that time they are huge and real.

And once again...I wonder if I am only in ministry because I am terribly selfish. Because I take way more out of this than I put in. But that insecure freshman partly remains in all of us. I realized tonight that...in several ways...if I look deeper, a 15 year old Torry Patton...although he existed 11 years ago...offers great insight into who I am now.

Bonus points to who can tell me where the title of this post came from?

School's out forever

I am done with UT and what a relief. I was looking forward to summer WAY more than the students were. I have turned in my grades and the only thing left is to move out of the office. I also found an apartment. It is a loft downtown and I am really pumped about moving in there. I found an awesome couch yesterday...that was really exciting. It is half a mile from my new office. The new job is great. So great that I'm not dreading my first summer with a real full time job. My life doesn't operate in semesters anymore. Went to Bama this past weekend to see my sister graduate high school and for Mothers Day. Crazy that she's old enough to graduate.

winding down

All is great. I feel amazing. Two more days of work at UT. Great trip to Houston. Doc said everything is looking good still. Spent the weekend with some awesome old friends in DC before Jason heads out to Iraq. By "old friends" I mean friends that I have had for a long time, not friends that are old. Cause, if they are old, that means I am too. Got a new apartment secured and it's awesome. Younglife is finishing strong. I am having a great time with my guys and our last few clubs have been unreal.

things

Had a scavenger hunt last night for YL. Had a ton of fun. My guys are awesome and hilarious. Going to Houston Sunday for a check up. Things are still wonderful.

one of those days

Have you ever had one of those days that was just a little bit off? Everything was right...almost. Things were good...but not great. Fine but not exceptional. Know the feeling...like your missing something?

That's how I felt all day....until I realized htat my underwear was on inside out. Problem corrected.

final finals

So...the semester is closing. I am more excited than the students. I am so ready to be out of the academic world. It is a dry, bitter, and exhausting place. I am going to have a crazy busy couple of weeks between reviewing for, writing, giving, and grading final exams. But then it's over. I feel like I am graduating. I want to send out announcements.

ipod warnings

Why did anyone let me buy an ipod? They should come with a warning stating "Please resist all temptation to sing along. You are not singing quietly, even if you think you are."

I had a funny thing happen at the mall this week. I am walking through the mall with my very sunburned and peeling face and a guy walks up to me. I did not realize that he was a salesman. He says "You look like you could use some help with your face. Is that some kind of disease?" I said.."No, it's sunburn, but what if it was? I am not buying whatever you are selling." He then proceeds to say, "Have you ever heard of the Dead Sea?" I say...Let me repeat myself, I am not buying what you are selling. And I walked away.

Now my face is returning to normal. Working my new job today and I really like it. Life is wonderful.

good news continues

Sorry for the lapse in updates. My eosinophil count has continued to improve. I feel excellent. I went to Houston a week ago and the doctor told me that since I had such a complete and quick response to this chemo, that he thinks if we play around with periods of on and off the medication that we could eventually be rid of the leukemia and not be on the chemo. So he wanted me to come off of it for a month. And one week later, the levels were still down. In fact, they were even lower.

Everything else is wonderful, except that I went to the mountains on Friday and got really sunburned. It was windy, so I didn't realize how much sun I was getting. I look like a redneck who spent the day at Talledega.

We got 5 new people on our Younglife team that I am really excited about.

footloose and cancer free

Things are absolutely wonderful in the life of Torry Patton. I don't know what to do with myself now that I feel so great everyday. With this new chemo, they gave me a ton of different medications that I was supposed to take as needed to control the many side effects. I haven't taken any of them in three weeks. I didn't know feeling this awesome was an option. I started my new job part time this week and I think I am going to really enjoy it. I head back to Houston on Monday for a check up, if my levels are as good as they have been every week for the past month, then I get to come off steroids. This will be huge, because I have been on them almost constantly for 7 years now. My ministry with Younglife is so fun right now. I have a group of freshman guys that I am meeting with once a week and it is going great.

Anything I can pray for you all? I feel like I have this huge prayer debt, I owe you all tons. I have been prayed for way more than anyone deserves to be.

I do need to find a place to live soon. I am not too worried, God has found me an amazing job and healed me in the past month. Finding a place to live shouldnt be too hard. My lease is up on my apt May 31. I think I am going to find a place by myself, so I need to find an affordable place in Knoxville pretty quickly. I don't want you all to go into withdrawls from not getting to pray for me...so that's my only request.

Thank you all for all you've done...your words, emails, calls, and encouragement have been tremendous.

good news

Sorry for the lack of updates. This does not mean that there is a lack of events in my life. I just had my third normal test result from my labwork today. This means the chemo is working. I start my new job part time Monday. I had a great time in Alabama last weekend with family and old friends. I feel great.

Reese, the Nanny, and the nurse

Well, I didn't think I could get a week to top the one I had two weeks ago, but it could be done.
And I am not sure if it is just the place God has me right now, or the fact that leukemia is just a huge magnifying glass, but I found God in the strangest places this week. In the words of three women. I don't know any of them and have only met one of them.

Sunday I was preparing to go to a quick, one-day, check up visit to Houston. I knew the current chemo I was on was not working and they were probably going to take me off of the one I was on...wait a while and then attempt another. My flight was out of Nashville, so my mom drove and picked me up Sunday morning. On the way to Nashvile I began to get really nauseated. I have felt this way often so I wasn't too alarmed. By the time we reached the airport I needed a wheelchair because I was so weak. I threw up again in the terminal and for the entire flight. To put it lightly, it was miserable. When I got to Houston, we went straight to the emergency room where I was treated by IV for nausea, pain, and dehydration. While were waiting for hours in the ER, the Oscars were on. Reese Witherspoon won the Oscar for Best Actress. Now, I am a huge Reese fan, but her winning the Oscar, did not have a deep spiritual impact on me. Her words did, however. In her speech she quoted June Carter saying "I'm just trying to matter." Hmmm...Isn't that everyone's story? Aren't we all looking for a purpose, a place we are wanted and needed. At the same time, this journey is impossible and hopeless without Christ.

Just before they were to release me from the ER to come back the next morning to see the doctor, I spiked a 102.6 fever. (which would be a great radio station, 102.6 The Fever). They couldn't send me home with a fever that high, so I was admitted into the hospital for the next two nights. Now my mom was with me, so we watched a lot of TV, actually a lot of feminine TV. Which I guess was appropriate, since the hospital was so booked that they put me on the gynecology floor. On Monday we were watching Martha Stewart and her guest was Fran Drescher (the Nanny). She was discussing her personal battle with Cancer and she said, in her whiny, annoying voice,"I found that I have more joy when I am more willing to change my plans." I had a lot of plans to change this week...flights, tutoring, younglife campaigners, teaching, grading, etc.

After my bone marrow biopsy on Monday, the doctor said my eosiophil level was 38, the highest they have ever seen in anyone. They decided then that I could not wait for the old chemo to get out of my system, I needed to start the new one immediately. The problem was that no insurance covers it and it costs $2000 a dose and I have to have 3 doses a week...You do the math...not possible. This was definately a new change of plans. But the insurance office of the hospital called back in shock...no one's insurance had ever paid for this treatment and mine did with no questions asked.

So I started the new chemo on Tuesday night and got to spend one night in the hotel before heading back to knoxville on Wednesday. When I was about to be discharged a lady nurse came in to take off my IV. She looked liked she may be from India and she spoke very broken English. When she started to remove the tape, she could see that my hairy arm was going to pose a problem. She asked "Can I pull it fast?" and I said yes. In one motion she ripped off the IV and put a bandage on my bleeding wrist. She clamped in on so hard that it hurt and was awkward. But I looked up and her eyes we so amazingly kind. That's how I feel many times in the grip of Christ, it is firm and painful, but kind.

She then asked me in her thick accent "Are you Christian?" I said yes and before I could say anything else she began speaking. In words that had to be rehearsed because of her limited English, but were so genuine. "I am a cancer survivor for 5 years. I could not have done this without Christ. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not onto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and he will direct your path. The Lord is not finished blessing people with your life."

There it is. There is your change of plans and there is how you matter.

The night and the day following my first treatment were pretty rough. Lots of flu symptoms, aching, fever, fatigue, nausea, etc. But they have gotten progressively better. I feel perfectly fine today and I took another dose last night. My eosinophil levels had improved greatly already this morning. So hopefully the side effects will stay minimal and the response maximal.

God is Good

Well...sorry for the long delay in posts, but I wanted to wait until I could tell you the full story. On Wednesday, someone offered me a large sum of money to cover medical expenses. And as if that wasn't enough, I was offered a new job on the same day. The person who offered me the job knows my situation full well and is offering me a job with full benefits. So when I finish this semester at UT, I am going to work for the Lawler-Wood Group. I am going to be in charge of collecting info, filing financial forms, etc from project managers for ongoing contruction projects. I am going to get paid signigicantly more and work for a really awesome Christian man. God really smiled on me this week. Thank you for all of your prayers. I am going to Houston tomorrow and will probably discontinue this current chemo because it is not working. I will be looking to begin a new one soon.

Torry

back to houston

I am going back to Houston on March 6. This will be the end of three months on this current chemo, which is how long they were going to keep me on it before moving on to another treatment. My eosinophil levels have gone up and down the whole time i have been on this chemo, and the docs have not seen the response that they would like. So, at that point, I will be moving on to another, and possibly harsher chemo. First of all, pray that my mom and I would be able to find inexpensive transportation to/from Houston. I must be back in Knoxville the very next day (March 7) to work, so that limits when/where we can fly. Also, we have exhausted all of the money that everyone provided in my church's fund. Pray that this treatment begins to work before that return visit, and if that doesn't happen, that the new treatment would be smooth and bearable.

Thank you all for all the help and encouragement that you have been. I have been feeling pretty fine the last couple of weeks, despite the fact that my levels are going up and down. I'll take that any day. In other news, my ministry with Younglife is really exciting right now. I love the group of guys that I'm getting to know.

update

Well...Friday, my eosinophils were back up. So...we have one more month to try this chemo, then I move on to another.

I'm really excited about my ministry with Younglife right now. The weekend at camp was amazing. God is so faithful...he restored my health just in time for me to be 100% for those Freshman guys. It was such a great time. I also got to give the talk at our Club Thursday night. I was given a very clear message and our club was so great. It was so awesome to get to tell these kids that we have a God who is absolutely crazy about us.

last week

In the past week, I have been in Texas, in the Hospital, in the classroom, in Younglife club, and finally at Windy Gap (a YL camp). I have seen a lot of things. Here are a few:

A packed church mourning the death of a 16 year old boy.
A crowded gymnasium cheering a long awaited victory over a serious rival in high school basketball.
A cancer patient's wife hold his hand and smile in a hospital waiting room.
Two complete strangers argue with each other over who has the more dysfunctional family during a two hour flight.
My mom insist that she come take care of me, although I repeatedly refused, after i spent the afternoon in the hospital.
A student's eyes light up when receiving an A on a math test.
Nearly 400 high schoolers listen to someone tell them that there is a God who loves them.
While singing along with a Switchfoot, those 400 highschool's screaming "We want more than this world has to offer" and many of them not realize the truth in their words.
A room full of kids laughing to the point of tears at guys faces contorted under pantyhose.
6+ inches of snow on the mountains of Weaverville, NC at Windy Gap
A packed cabin full of guys in a late night, hilarious wrestling match.
A freshman guy say "What a great deal! Our sin for God's goodness."

the weekend

Tons of news for you all...I'm posting this on my blog too. I had an absolutely crazy week. I know...hard for you to believe. Sunday and Monday in Houston. My eosinophil count was 25 when normal is between 1 and 7. Tuesday back in Knoxville, in the ER all day with a bad case of bronchitis, but that day my eosinophil count was 1...go figure. Today they were 0.9...which is awesome. I'm feeling tons better and just in the nick of time. I am taking 10 freshman boys to Windy Gap, a Younglife camp in North Carolina this afternoon. I really feel that the Lord has annointed this trip and I am so excited to watch Him work this weekend. Pray that i would remain feeling as well as I do right now, if not better. Pray that kids would hear the Gospel loud and clear.

rough week

Well...a 16 year old Webb student, Eric Encarnacion, died in a car accident Wednesday. It has been so hard to watch so many hurting kids this week, especially at the funeral today. Please pray for his family and friends.

life lessons in Captain Crunch

Last week was a crazy week. Not a lot of fun. Work was crazy hectic. Heard really bad news from my student loan people, that due to a mistaken address, I have to start paying a ton with really high interest rates.

During all of this I decided to go grocery shopping. Now I haven't done this often. Last semester, my schedule pretty much demanded that I eat fast food almost every day. So, I ate out for almost every meal. As I went from aisle to aisle, I came to the cereal aisle. I walked up and down the aisle looking for Captain Crunch's Crunch Berries about three times and couldn't find it. That cereal was a staple of my childhood, second only to my grandmother's oatmeal as my favorite breakfast. I am not going to lie...it was a personal crisis to me that there weren't any Crunch Berries. I assumed that they were no longer made and that I was never again going to have this cereal.

So I stood there in the aisle and accepted the fact that this part of my childhood was gone. In that realization, I also recognized that in the past few couple of weeks I had really been wishing my way through this semester. Just waiting for it to be over with. I decided then and there to live in this semester. To not look ahead wishing it away. It was crazy how quickly things began to change. I was able to see some fruit from my Younglife efforts (6 guys signed up to go to camp with me).

After my life lesson, I was at WalMart the next day and saw Crunch Berries. They aren't extinct. And I just finished the whole box in a couple of days.

class

Classes are underway. Very underway. Younglife is about to gear up and I am really excited for this semester. The tutoring business is off to a slow start, but surely will pick up.

Dad had to stay overnight in the hospital last night with kidney stones. He is in a great deal of pain, and might be for the next week.

I feel ok. Energy level is not amazing today...but I pretty much have tomorrow off.

weekend update with Torry Patton

Had a good week. (Except for a bad lab report from the doc today and being contacted by the student loan people saying I have to start paying more). Classes started up. I am teaching smaller classes this semester, which I really like. I have decided to pursue freshman guys at Webb and take them to Windy Gap in February. I am glad that God has finally given me some direction in my ministry there. And the best news all year...My sister Kaitlin broke up with her boyfriend, who I was not a fan of at all.

GOOD NEWS

I am looking forward to a time when my updates aren't totally health-related. But I went to the doctor today for labwork and my blood levels weren't just better, they were normal. This is great because they were still terrible just one week ago. I am having the tests done again twice next week (Monday in Houston and Friday in Knoxville)...so if they show that the levels haven't change, we can assume that this chemo is working. I have been on it less than three weeks, so this is much faster than any of us had expected.

no news is good news

Hello friends. Sorry for the lack of updates. I had a very busy break and got back to Knoxville late last week. There is not much to report, except for the fact that there's not much to report. The chemo has little side effects. I am having occasional nausea and headaches, but they have given me medicine for that and I take it as needed. I went for my weekly check up on Friday I was told that there was no response to the chemo yet. But we didn't expect anything that quick (Friday was only Day 13 on this new chemo). So for the most part, this has been easier than I had expected. I am now just waiting to see if it is going to work on the leukemia.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas with their families. I hope to see you all soon.

houston

So...still in Houston. Got here Thursday after starting a final exam in Knoxville...leaving my students with my great friend, Cat. I drove to Gadsden as she finished giving my exam. Then rode to Birmingham...our flight was delayed 45 mins. Finally got to Houston. The rental car place told us they didn't have a car for us, unless we wanted to upgrade for more $. I argued because we had a reservation...they finally gave in...gave us the "nicest car they have" for no extra money.

Friday we were at the hospital for most of the day. Lots of tests (bone marrow biopsy, labwork, and EKG) then I saw the doctor and the research nurse for the new chemo. I started it the next morning. The funny thing is no one is allowed to touch this medicine (and I'm supposed to take this 2X a day...funny how that is).

Laura and I have seen two movies: The Family Stone and Narnia. Loved Narnia...The Family Stone is funny but has a huge serious twist that the previews don't tell you about. We also went shopping...Christmas shopping in Houston is insane.

I have felt okay. Some nausea and pretty bad headaches...but other than that nothing to speak of. I hope it doesn't worsen and it starts to work on my leukemia.

FINALS!!

Sorry for the lapse in updates, I am in the middle of the mass chaos that is final exams. I head to Houston on Thursday. I hope to see a lot of you over Christmas.

I forgot to talk about chapel at Westbrook went. It was a great time. It's funny how when you teach math you get a whole new understanding of it. The same happened with my talk. Having to put my experience in words taught me so much...I hope those listening got something out of it...I know I did.

news

School is winding down and I am very ready for that. I did have to go to the emergency room twice over the holidays with headaches that were making me throw up. THey gave me so much meds yesterday that I was gone for several hours, woke up, and then was awake the whole night. But, things seem much better now. Please pray that my symptoms would stay manageable until this new teatment begins on Dec. 16.

I am speaking at Westbrook's Chapel on Friday. That should be very interesting. I think I have only been back there once since graduation.

Thanksgiving

Just had Thanksgiving in Alabama with the family. Good time with nothing to do. I head back to Knoxville tomorrow, to finish up the end of this semster.

I leave for Houston again on December 15 and have to stay there a week to begin a new chemotherapy.

Thanksgiving!!!!

It's about that time in the semester when you REALLY wish it were over. I still operate on semesters even though I am not in school. We get this break, then a week and a half of class, and then finals. I have felt much better physically this past week.

Last weekend was so fun. Laura, Meg, and Kait came in town for Meg's concert. Went to my Younglife school's state championship football game on Saturday. That wasn't fun, we missed the exit, got there really late and lost in a shutout. And Bama lost...and UT...so any team I had loyalty to lost on Saturday. Oh well.

They have scheduled my next round of chemo treatment. It is to begin on December 16. I have to go to Houston and spend a week there. Please pray that God would provide the funding for that trip. Tickets are so expensive around Christmas time and I can't use Angel Flight because I can't leave until after i give my final exam on the 15th.

Speaking of, several of you have asked for the address where my church back in Alabama set up my medical fund. For budgetary purposes, they asked that checks themselves not be earmarked, but rather enclose a note saying that it is for Torry Patton's medical fund. The mailing address is Grace Bible Church, Attn: Dean Wood, 3322 Rainbow Dr., Rainbow City, AL 35906. God has provided through so many of you and I have been so blessed through this fund.

song

I just had dinner with Todd Kohlbusch, my mentor I guess you could call him, and his lovely wife Carol. Afterwards, while we were talking, he shared with me this song, by Andrew Peterson....wish I could post the music here...it is awesome.


After the last tear falls
After the last secret's told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves
And the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that's just too hard
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
After the last disgrace
After the last lie to save some face
After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue
After the last dirty politician
After the last meal down at the mission
After the last lonely night in prison
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales

'Cause after the last plan fails
After the last siren wails
After the last young husband sails off to join the war
After the last "this marriage is over"
After the last young girl's innocence is stolen
After the last years of silence that won't let a heart open

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales
'Cause after the last tear falls
There is love



It is great to know that on the other side of the last tear is oceans of love and "we'll look back on these tears as old tales"..before, during, and after all is God's love.

I like that.

fliming

So...very busy week. The film crew was here Sunday night and Monday. It was so fun. They set up in my apartment and filmed me there and on campus all day.

Heathwise...and a couple of rough days. Wednesday and Thursday I felt pretty bad. So I decided that it would be best if I didn't go on the Younglife trip to Windy Gap this weekend. I am still waiting to hear from the docs as to when I will begin this new trial. I think it will be at the end of this semester.

Watching the Bama game right now...Roll Tide.

trial #3

So here's the update. The doctors have decided to give up on the current chemo. I have to be off of it for a month before I can start the new one. So I will take no chemo for the next month. Just steroids to control my symptoms. So the next month should be a smooth one. I will start a new chemo then and not really sure how tough or easy that will be. It is up in the air at that point. Pray that this one works and works quickly.

The film crew gets here Sunday to film me...more news to follow.

decisions, decisions

So the doctors are deciding this week about whether or not to keep me on the current treatment that is not working on move me to a new one. Pray for that decision.

fun weekend

Had an awesome weekend. Friday night had dinner with Seth, where I came within inches of getting hit by a car as I was running into the restaurant in the pouring rain. Then met up with everyone downtown where we ended up at McCleod's for kareoke night. It is not cool how much I enjoy kareokeing.

Yesterday was gameday. Roll Tide. Watched the game with all UT fans and tried not to gloat too much. And Auburn lost...great day. Saw the movie Dreamer last night. Cried...a lot. SO good. Then played a very involved couple hours of Catch Phrase.

Church today was amazing. John Wood asked if, like Paul, everyone was always striving to live out their ministry depite all circumstances. Good question.

real world knoxville

So I got a call from the director of the documentary yesterday. They have chosen me to be the spokesperson for HES (hypereosinophilic syndrome, my disease). I am not sure what all that includes. They got my entire schedule for the next two weeks and are all coming to knoxville to film me for a couple days. Should be interesting. Maybe MTV will pick it up and show less Laguna Beach reruns.

sweet home....knoxville

Just got back from Houston an hour or so ago. The trip out there took 14 hours because of layovers at tiny airports. The doc said that the chemo is still not working, but the new study that they are going to place me on doesn't open for another 4-6 weeks. So I am going to keep trying this until that study opens. Hopefully one of them will work.

I've been thinking about the talk I gave last week for YL. It was a very simple message, but important one (as a YL talk should be). Something God has just been showing me lately. He created me. That's enough and I could have stopped there. But also, He created me for more than this. So all my shortcomings, my sin, my frustrations, my luekemia, is because I was meant for more than this experience. Rest in that.....I am.

teeth and houston

Got the wisdom teeth out. Wasn't too bad. My mom came here to take care of me for a couple days. I head back to Houston for a Friday appointment. Pray that the flight arrangements will work out and that the tests will reveal that the chemo is working.

Wish I had more exciting things to report, but this week has been pretty uneventful...and i like that.

been busy

Well, I have been really busy since my last update. Tons of papers to grade. Had a great birthday with awesome friends that I haven't seen in forever.

Gave the talk Thursday night at younglife. It is the best I have ever felt about a talk afterward. Club went so well.

Wisdom teeth out yesterday. Wasn't too bad. The doctor did say it was the hardest surgery he had ever done. But I felt fine and was able to eat anything I wanted. Today the left side is pretty swollen, so I look pretty hilarious.

Otherwise my health is fine. I go back to Houston Thursday. Please pray for the details of that. We still haven't heard from the flight ministry and are still lookng for a vacancy at a Houston hotel.

they're coming out

I'm getting all my wisdom teeth out next Friday. Hopefully that will go smoothly. Other than the pain from those, my health has been pretty stable. Not much nausea or pain.

I'm really enjoying Younglife right now. I am interested to see where God is going to use me at Webb this year. The guys that I knew well graduated in the spring. So I'm trying to decide which guys God is leading me toward now.

Keiran, Lauren, and Andrew are all in town this weekend for the Ole Miss game and my b'day....Should be an awesome time.

dentist and documentary

I see the oral surgeon today to decide what to do about my teeth. Also, got an email yesterday asking me if I would be in a documentary about my disease. We'll see how both of those things turn out.

new adventure

Well. My energy level got much better as the week went on. I did have a new adventure yesterday. I was supposed to get my wisdom teeth out a while ago. We have just kept putting it off because of other issues. The roots are really deep now and my bones are in bad shape. They started hurting me pretty bad this week and were terrible yesterday morning. Russell took me to the ER...got an antibiotic and pain meds. So I have to meet with an oral surgeon this week and decide what to do. Other than my jaw and teeth, I feel much better.

Younglife started up this week. Had such a great time at club with my team and the high school kids Thursday night. It's funny that God uses that crazy loud time with friends and kids as a form of rest and reengerizing time.

A week from today I will be 26. It's strange that at times that number seems so old to me and at times so young.

tired

The last couple of days I have been very tired. Fortunately, I haven't had a lot to do. Please pray that I would have more energy.

first class

Failed to mention that Hanna Steel, a company in Alabama, paid for my mom and I to make the Houston trip in first class. I don't know if I own anything from Hannah Steel...but i should, and so should you.

God is so good. Church yesterday was unreal. Spiritually, I love the place God has me right now.

trying to get back home

Well we spent about 16 hours in Houston....including a few hours in the emergency room. Everything calmed down and we actually got to come home a day early. Our luggage was lost and so I am waiting for it to get here before I drive back to knoxville.

But healthwise, we got no news from the trip. There is still no shown response of the leukemia from the chemo. The doctor wants to wait two more months to see if this will begin to work.

Back to knoxville, to teaching, and to YL...hate that I had to miss our first club...but crazy excited about this week.

week 3

As of tomorrow, I begin my third week on the new chemo. It really hasn't been that bad. Steroids are a wonderful thing. I go back to Houston Thursday. Angel Flight, the ministry which was supposed to fly me out there, is overbooked because of Katrina. So I am still waiting to hear if they will fly me or not.

Had a great weekend in Alabama. Got to grab lunch with some of my SU professors and see Jennifer Dunn. Also had a great time with Andy, the Emily's, Amy, and Stephanie. Great to go to church with the family and see some Gadsden folk.

I am just so honored that people are reading this. The care and concern each of you have expressed is so awesome.

busy

Checking things off my To Do list is one of my favorite things. Gave an exam this week, so tons of grading (which I had help with). The tutoring business is slowly picking up for the semester. And Younglife club begins next week. My Younglife team is another one of my favorite things. I'm excited about YL at Webb this fall. I am heading to Birmingham for the weekend tongiht. Meeting with Andy; His dad is wanting to join in our tutoring business.

Healthwise, not much to speak of. Not feeling a lot of side effects from the chemo. Steroids are keeping things running pretty smoothly.

running smoothly

Well... I have been back on the chemo for about a week now. There are some symptoms, but bearable. I have headaches, waves of nausea, and slight fatigue. Please pray that they will be minimal. Pray also that this chemo would work and work quickly. I am teaching for the next two weeks, then I head back to houston for a short visit. That you all again for your prayers and sweet words. I am overwhelmed with the encouragement God has provided, especially through His people.

good news

Tonight my nurse at MD Anderson called with good news. They got permission from the drug company for me to take prednisone (steroids) with the chemo. My form of leukemia responds well to steroids. They are a short term fix. So they should make the chemo much more tolerable this round. I restarted the chemo tonight. Pray that this round is smoother than last.

I also built a coffee table tonight. Yeah, that's right...i actually made a functioning piece of furniture. These steroids give me WAY too much energy. In the past few weeks, I have read three books, painted two paintings, built the coffee table...not sure what the next project is.

I'm hip hop in flip flops...

Heard that in a Jason Mraz song on the way to work today. Classes are underway. Things are running smoothly.

My doctor is currently trying to convince a drug study to make an exception for me and allow me to take medication to calm my symptoms while I try their chemo. That would make things much easier for me. Pray that that happens. Other than that, my health situation has been pretty uneventful for the last week...and this, my friends, is a very good thing.

back to school

Had meetings in the math department this morning. Classes start back Wednesday. It's good to be back with some responsibilty and something to do besides go to the doctor.

Several of you got my letter today. You all have been and continue to be such an amazing part of my life. God has truly placed some amazing people in my life.

Had a funny episode today. Some things will never change. The AC in my office at UT had leaked all over my desk made of particle board, causing one side to swell 2 feet higher than the other. So I had to empty out the desk and move it out, discovering a mouse. I told the dept. that I don't ask for much, but would like AC and a rodent-free office.

getting back home

For my last trip and a half to Houston, I have been able to fly with Angel Flight, a ministry providing air transport to medical patients. It is private pilots who volunteer their time and equipment.

It is an interesting height that single engine planes fly, around 7,000-8,000 feet. It is close enough to the ground so that it still looks like the world you know, with houses, streets, farms, feilds, etc. But it is high enough that the world looks infinite. So huge that towns look like toy sets. It's just such an amazing thing to look at for three or so hours. It's the same feeling as looking at the gigantic ocean, but rather multiplied so many times.

Flew back yesterday, and heading to Knoxville in a couple hours. I have stayed at my apartment less than 5 nights since June.

today

Well...saw the doctor today. There are a few more options for treatment for me...all investigational. Since they are investigational, I have to wait until the study opens for them. Also I have to have been off the last chemo for a month and have no steroids in my system (they gave me a burst of steroids to help me after my last episode). So I come back in a month to decide which route to take. In that month, I have to taper off the steroids and clean my system of the last chemo. This could be a rough time, because once I am off the steroids, I will be receiving no treatment for my disease for a short time. Back to Bama in the morning and Knoxville Sunday.

made it to houston

Well, I'm in Houston. Flew in the smallest plane I have ever seen to Vicksburg, Mississippi. Then the guy at the tiny airport loaned us his El Camino to go find one of the three restaraunts in town for lunch. After a couple of hours, flew to Conroe, TX. Saw lightning from above...pretty awesome. But we made it. Long day tomorrow.

thoughts

Well this story just took a sharp turn. This blog or whatever you call it. I went from discussing outrageous stories that you wouldn't believe if you haven't spent more than a day with me to deep life-defining thoughts. It is so cliche, but at moments like these, you know what really matters.

A large part of my life has been centered around what I know. Since I can remember I have enjoyed learning and teaching. It's what I do. In the classroom, while tutoring, with younglife kids, with my family, with my friends...I have the answers and I share them. That has been the major crisis of the past few years. I don't have the answers. I have questions that get replaced with more questions. And while it has appeared for a long time that I am content with this uncertainty, it is now that I can honestly say that I am satisfied, even proud that this is bigger than me.

I don't know why I was chosen for this. I don't know if this will end any time soon. I don't know what God is doing. I don't know what I should do next. I don't know what I should be doing with my career. I don't know if I should bring a girl into this mess. I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I don't know if I will throw up tonight.

But, as the reluctant mathematician that I am, let me count the things I know.
1. I am being watched.
2. His strength is made perfect in and only in weakness.
3. I am loved, by God, yes, as promised, but also by many wonderful people.
4. God meant me.

Clarity

Clarity is a cruel thing. Clarity doesn't exist unless it's opposite also exists. We wouldn't call somehting clear if it were never unclear. So to have clarity, by definition you must first have something unrecognizeable. That's what I have...standing all around me, behind me and before me. If I look around it's all I can see: a huge mass of unknown, a random variable, a "bug", a problem, an indescribeabl obstacle. With a lack of clarity, comes my biggest foe, uncertainty.
I am totally uncertain about whether or not I can live tomorrow without the help of IV meds. I am uncertain about how fast this disease is destroying my body and how much of this is reversible if we can ever get it to stop. I don't know if I'll ever be a grandfather, a father, a husband. I cannot make an probable statement about many things in my life.
This is a problem. I teach math. There is always, no matter how hard to find, THE best answer among the choices. I have wanted to fix this...solve this...find the theorem...find the right way...find my x=____. But it's not there and it's not promised to ever be there.

BUT...
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,Let this blest assurance control,That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!My sin, not in part but the whole,Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

When I look down...oh, when I look down, i don't see the mass that is there to smother me...I see the arms of my Christ holding me so tight, crying way more than I do, and He is in pain. Visible pain. His beloved hurts and He hurts. And with all His might and power, He is doing what is needed first and foremost in this situation, holding and comforting me and those who love me. He is running through the uncertainties with perfect clarity and shielding me through the journey. All I can see now is his arms, a view I have reluctantly fallen in love with.

There's your clarity...there's your certainty. I have no less clarity, certainty, or control over my life than someone who isn't battling cancer. Here comes my pride, but I think I have more clarity than them.

This has been quite a journey so far. I am tired, scarred, and bruised, but carried and protected.

The answers...i still want the answers...but i don't have them and may not ever... they are withheld for a reason...a reason i don't know, but a reason i must trust.

I am competely spent...any effort I make at this point would be a measly static blip on God's plan which he is accomplishing through me. He has totally taken over. I finally yielded control...not very willingly. But he's carrying me, and I love the view of the race at this height with His perfect stride.

Dennis....GO AWAY

So my life has been absolutely crazy the last few days. At the last minute our free flight to Houston was cancelled because of Hurrican Dennis. So we had to buy a ticket to Houston the day we were to leave....not cheap. THe engine light came on to the plane as we were boarding...so we had to wait forever to get on and were one of the last flights out before they closed the Birmingham airport. Then we get to Houston and get pretty rough news about my health. The disease is back, and stronger than before. I have to come off the meds I am on right now for a month and then start a stronger chemo. I have to come back to Houston and stay two full weeks and then come back once a month. Then because of the weather, they cancelled our return flight and so we had to buy another one way ticket. So we are flying out in a couple hours. All the while I am clawing my skin off because of these CHIGGERS!

We rode the metro rail last night and sat in front of the two most ignorant people I have ever seen. I cuold only make out about 25% of the the ladies' words but here is what I learned:
1. Woman A has been married for 8 years. 6 of those years, she lived with him. The last two they separated and just date. She "her man and he got his bitch. i call if I need him"
2. Woman B cannot remember the name of her baby daddy. His first name is Johnny and his last name starts with an M. She tried to visit him in prison but it would take her 4 days to go through all of the Ms in the prison to see which one he is.
3. Woman A is a grandmother. She woke up at 5:00 this morning. Prefers to use the F word in every sentence and likes to repeat the Spanish intructions after hearing it over the intercom....everytime...at every stop...and this becomes funnier and funnier to her and Woman B.
4. Woman B is highly entertained by her "Spanish" speaking friend. And wonders what it is that they are saying in Spanish even though each phrase is spoken in English first. She also found a use for the phrase "my baby daddy baby momma." In case you didn't follow that means her exboyfriend's new girlfriend.

I hope there are equally entertaining passengers aboard Flight 111 to Birmingham in 2 hours.

Courtney Struble gave me chiggers

That's right. As I sit here typing I am itching from head to toe. I stopped counting at 75. Everyone who went to Courtney's 4th of July party is covered. I had so much fun in Memphis. Had dry ribs for the first time at Rendezvous. Fun times on Beale Street. Then back to Nashville for a party then a night downtown on a party bus. So much fun. Now I am in Gadsden, flying out to Houston on Sunday.

sorry for the hiatus

Well, I decided that with all of my new free time, (we'll see how long this lasts...I have a crazy talent for finding things that keep me too busy), I need to keep posting. The last time I updated this was last August. So much has happened since then. I will try to tell some of it in flashback over then next few weeks, but I will begin with what happened on Tuesday.

So I am teaching in Project GRAD's summer program again. Tons of inner city kids forced to come to class in the summer: a recipe for adventure. Side note: Went to their talent show last night...unreal. So I am halfway through a class on Tuesday and the kids are taking a quiz in silence. Now, in this scenario, silence is relative. What I actually mean is that I didn't have to scream to address the class. Being in this group may be the only situation I can ever be in where it is difficult for me to be heard.

So in the middle of their quiz, the power goes out. Now, it is about 10:30 AM and the room is full of windows. We can all see fine, but the power is out. One girl starts immediately panicking (I find it strange that "panicking" has a K in it...but it's right; I looked it up). She is screaming "Lawd Jesus be with us!" One girl replied repeatedly "Don't worry errbody, Jesus IS with us!" So I try to calm them down without laughing in their face. I mean, the power just went out and that's it.

As I am saying, "It's just the power. Everyone calm down," the fire alarm starts going off and I smell smoke. Yes, kids. You were in histerics over a power outage and now I must tell you that our building is on fire. "Everyone grab your things and follow me to the stairs."

Now the stairwell is jam-packed full of UT students and we are trying to get downstairs. One girl is screaming "GET OUT!! GET OUT!! Dis ain't no drill!!"

Then their chaperone, a mid 30s black woman, really helps the situation by saying "Everyone please run. We need to get away in case the building explodes." Thanks for that, lady.

So, yes, I fled a burning building with 20 inner city kids FREAKING out. I don't think anyone was hurt in the building. An air conditioning unit caught on fire.

Then my friend Holly and I were going to lunch. She had heard of this new Mexican restaurant that we decided to go to. It was truly authentic. Everyone barely spoke English. I had to get Holly, a Spanish teacher, to translate. We had a super nice, but terribly awkward waitress. Just a really funny scene, with Mariachi (no clue how to spell that) music blaring in our ears.

I finished this random day, with a last-minute invite to Dixie Stampede, Dolly Parton's Dinner Theater/Rodeo. I knew I had to go. It was a perfect ending to this crazy day. I had an epiphany while at the show. I NEED to work there in the summers as the emcee. Where else can I ride horses, act, and sing....WITH Dolly Parton? The answer, my friends, is nowhere.

Well, my goal is to update this every couple of days. Until the next episode...

In the swing of things

Well...the school year is underway. Younglife leadership weekend was this past weekend and was a great time. It was good to get away and not think about teaching or tutoring for a couple of days. It is great to not be actually IN class anymore. I got my degree, diploma, whatever you call it in the mail this week, so it is official.
Tuesday was a hilarious day...by the way, do you pronounce Tuesday like Toosday or like Tewsday. That has been the topic of way too many conversations in my house.
I was walking to class Tewsday (yes, this is where I stand on the debate) morning and I saw a girl steady trying to ride her bike up the Hill on UT's campus. If you aren't familiar with UT, the math building...of which my office is on the top floor of...is located at the top of a small mountain called the Hill. Well this girl looked as though it were about her third time to ever touch a bicycle. Now granted, I am no Lance Armstrong (who according to Jason , not only won 6 consecutive Tour de France's, but also landed on the moon), you can ask Andy who saw me struggle greatly with the rental bikes at Seaside.
But this girl was barely moving and the front wheel was quickly swinging from right to left as she tried to balance. It made me laugh and I went to class. On the way back from my first class, I spot my cycling friend once more, this time on the way down. This time however, gravity was working for her not against and she was going much faster than she would have liked. All of the sudden, she loses balance, well she never really had balance, but the bike goes one way and she goes flying off in the other direction with a very loud scream. I was a safe 30 yards away, so as soon as I saw that she was OK I lost it.
Next class...I am teaching at the front of a large lecture hall that has about a 1 1/2 foot platform at the front to teach from. A student walks up to turn his test in and instead of walking around to the side where the one step up is located, he tries to step up on the platform in the middle. AND he misses the platform and eats it. I tried not to, but I laughed.
Now it's Thursday and I did this instead of preparing the lecture for the class I teach in a few mins. Hopefully I'll be entertained once more.

Back and ready

I just got back to Knoxville yesterday. It was fun spending the week with the family in Houston. I got what seems to be good news in Houston. I definately have Hyper Eosinophilic Syndrome. It is great to have a definite name for it. It is a disease of the bone marrow...not the stomach. It is just affecting my stomach. HES is a very rare disease and there are three types of it. Of course I have the rarest type of the three. One is a type of leukemia...which I don't have. The second is an allergic reation...which I don't have. The third is somewhere between the two. More than an allergy, but less than leukemia.
I am starting a new medicine that looks promising in a couple of weeks. It is a mild form of chemotherapy. I have to give myself a shot once a week. There are a lot of possible side effects and I could experience all or none of them.
Everything gets going this week. I have meetings all day at UT for the new software that they are using for the math classes that I am teaching. Classes start Wednesday. I have a lot to do for the new business and YoungLife leadership weekend is this weekend. I am excited about it all though. Not really any funny stories lately. I am sure that they are soon to come.

houston, we have a problem

Sorry for how corny the title is...i just couldn't pass it up. I am finishing up everything in Knoxville with the business and with UT so that I can leave for Houston. It will be great to see all of my family for a week, just hate that it has to be at a cancer hospital. Pray for me and the doctors this week. I hope they can figure something out and decide on a treatment that works. Pray especially for me Monday. I have to have a bone marrow extraction without any anesthesia. Fun times for everyone. I will keep you all posted.

Just my luck

So....before you turn in your thesis at UT, you must meet with the thesis consultant 3 times. Each time I have waited about 3-4 hours and since my advisor was out of town until yesterday, I had to wait til today, the final deadline, for my final meeting with the advisor (which is, by the way, a girl named Alan, but who am I to talk?). I came earlier this week for my second visit. Got here at 7:30 and left at 9:30 because they hadn't seen me yet and had to come back in the afternoon. So I thought since it was the last day that it would be packed. I get here at 6:30 and they start seeing people at 8. So it is now 5 minutes til 8 and I am the only one here. I could have slept 2 more hours....awesome. When I hand this in, I am officially done (I also have to pay a parking ticket so that I can graduate).

Sorry, Peaches, Emily, Emily, and Amy for not giving a shout out to my fun weekend in Birmingham. It was great to see you all...share in the drama...and experience some honesty.

It's OVER

So sorry that it has taken me so long to update this, but my thesis is DONE.  I have never put so much time and effort into anything.  I don't know what to do with myself all day now.  I had been so busy that I had not been able to keep up with the tanning bed visits that I am supposed to be going to according to the doc.  So I went yesterday for the first time in about 3 weeks.  Meant to stay a shorter time, but fell asleep...imagine that.  So I am hurting right now.  The sun hasn't been out in knoxville in 2 weeks and I am sunburned. 
I am finalizing all the stuff for the business and that is really exciting.  Headed to Houston in less than 2 weeks now.

I'll keep everyone posted

Get 'er done.

THE THESIS IS DONE.  All 115 pages of it...done....I don't really know what to say about that.  I don't know what else I am going to think about every moment of every day.  I defend it tomorrow and take it the printer Monday morning.  Then I get the little orange slip that says I have completed all the requirements for a master's degree.
Fun night of Karaoke last night for Lindsay's birthday.  Other than that, nothing too exciting over the past few days.  I have been at school for the majority of the time.  Hope everyone is having a great week and I will talk to you soon.