spring

This week has been miserably hot. My poor Webb guys have had 3-a-days this week. I cannot imagine. But my life is actually lagging behind the calendar. My heart has just entered springtime. John Wood (Actually, Steve Chesney quoting John Wood) once said that he loved winter because of the quiddity of it. Thankfully, he explained the meaning of "quiddity." It means the essence or the very nature of something. It reminds me of the scientic definition of "molecule." A molecule is the smallest piece of any substance that is still considered to be that substance. (Dr. Ponder would be proud that I remember that.)

I've tried to put the experience of my sickness into words many times. The best I can come up with is that it was winter for my soul. This isn't a negative thing, just a new and different season for me. The excess, the superfluous, the unecessary, was stripped away and what remained was the quiddity, the molecule of Torry Patton. And when I looked at what remained, it was good. Transformed, redeemed, pure, and good. I found myself reacting in situations completely the opposite of how I had predicted. I met sickness with humor, and God placed in me a overwhelming peace. He took a boy who whined when the temperature was a single degree too hot or too cold and empowered me to be a man who faced leukemia with few complaints. That's beautiful.

One of the best things about winter is the anticipation of spring. Well, my spring is here. Granted, it's August, but my soul is filled with new life and this is only partly due to my newfound health. I didnt' enjoy this battle, to say the least, but I love what it did to me.

I can't and won't begin to understand all of the reasons behind my struggle. Why couldn't God have taught me this in a great sermon or insightful book? But maybe I am to speak that sermon or write that book for others. My disease touched so many others in a positive way, and God has the grace to remind me of that often. We so often pray that God would use us in a mighty way...