thoughts

Well this story just took a sharp turn. This blog or whatever you call it. I went from discussing outrageous stories that you wouldn't believe if you haven't spent more than a day with me to deep life-defining thoughts. It is so cliche, but at moments like these, you know what really matters.

A large part of my life has been centered around what I know. Since I can remember I have enjoyed learning and teaching. It's what I do. In the classroom, while tutoring, with younglife kids, with my family, with my friends...I have the answers and I share them. That has been the major crisis of the past few years. I don't have the answers. I have questions that get replaced with more questions. And while it has appeared for a long time that I am content with this uncertainty, it is now that I can honestly say that I am satisfied, even proud that this is bigger than me.

I don't know why I was chosen for this. I don't know if this will end any time soon. I don't know what God is doing. I don't know what I should do next. I don't know what I should be doing with my career. I don't know if I should bring a girl into this mess. I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I don't know if I will throw up tonight.

But, as the reluctant mathematician that I am, let me count the things I know.
1. I am being watched.
2. His strength is made perfect in and only in weakness.
3. I am loved, by God, yes, as promised, but also by many wonderful people.
4. God meant me.